Smoking a Blunt During the Apocalypse: The Apocalypse blunt
We’ve got major hurricanes hitting the US, earthquakes in Mexico, a political system in shambles and discontent on every side of the social spectrum. I don’t want to sound alarmist or anything…but this is starting to look a tad bit apocalyptic if you ask me.
Fortunately, the nihilist in me could give two shits about the end of the world. Where most people fear such chaotic scenarios…I’m quite chill when it comes to these events.
That’s why I decided to roll an Apocalypse Blunt.
What is an Apocalypse Blunt?
I asked my cannabis hookup to roll me a special blunt. I wanted only the finest weed, covered with kief and dabs and rolled in cannabis leaf. This stogie was not cheap. Once I purchased the blunt, I went and vacuum sealed it and placed it in a dark place.
Now, no matter if there is a foreign invasion, a comet heading straight for earth, alien invasion or zombie apocalypse…I’ll be able to head into it blazed and ready for anything.
I knew that the blunt had to be special so I ensured that it had the absolute best ingredients. Now some of you might say, “Dude…that’s going a bit too far” but the prepper inside of me knows that the amount of stress during a moment of chaos can make people do stupid things.
Toking up will allow you to have a moment of peace before the shit hits the fan. It will ensure that you don’t react to the situation, but you take a step backwards and critically assess the event.
When it’s the end of the world…
Let’s go to the extreme for a bit. Let’s say the apocalyptic event will extinguish humanity as we know it. Don’t you think it would be amazing to go down blazing a big phatty? I mean, if a comet were to hit earth and kill us all…I’d like to go to the beach, whip out my Apocalypse blunt and watch our demise in living color. In most instances, you’d be dead instantaneously and you’ll be going on the ultimate trip.
Some might say you need to about your wits when you’re faced with dire situations like this. But if death is certain then I say fuck it…let’s go out with a bang. Hell, I might even do heroin if it’s the last day on earth for humanity.
What if it’s not the end of the world…
Okay, perhaps I’m being a bit too melodramatic with the ‘end of the world’ bit…let’s say it’s a minor apocalyptic event. Perhaps, a super storm were to hit or you’re in an earthquake stuck in your home not able to move.
If you need to wait for rescuers to come get you…it’s way better to wait completely baked. It might even inspire you to take proactive steps to ensure your survival. I have seen stoners do amazing feats under the influence. In fact, last year I was stuck in a hurricane, next to a river with electric cables dangling mere meters from where I was. I could have been scared or panicked about ‘what could happen’ but I was rather amazed about the power of the storm while I was smoking a blunt.
During that hurricane, my brother and I made make-shift shelters out of shit we found lying around because we were talking about it while we were high. We survived that storm with flying colors and actually kind of enjoyed it.
Smoking weed allows you to deal with stressful situations quite nicely. Additionally, when shit really hits the fan…you sober up in seconds. Adrenaline is a powerful chemical and it will certainly take charge if your life is truly in danger.
Having a weed survival kit
The Apocalypse blunt is my ‘this is it’ moment. It’s something I’ll smoke when I know that ‘fucked’ is an understatement. For other semi-apocalyptic events, I have a weed survival kit. No, this isn’t a box having weed and a lighter in it…rather…it’s a shit load of weed seeds.
Why do I have weed seeds for a dire moment? Let’s say the world descends into chaos, cannabis could very well become your currency. People will still need medicines, food and so forth. I have enough seeds to start a plantation. If all goes to hell, I’m finding some vacant land and starting to plant all those seeds because I know that within the next six months or so…when medicine, food and drugs are scarce…I’ll be the guy to supply to the world. I’ll start hemp fields, marijuana fields and so forth and will ride out the apocalypse like a champ.
I don’t know…I was really high when I wrote this piece…so maybe it’s just a stoner’s dream…but then again…if all goes to hell…I’ll be prepared.
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Published at Sun, 24 Sep 2017 05:00:00 +0000